Dwight Williams Born March 1956 in Bartlesville, OK. Second of three children. Named after Pres. Eisenhower who Dwight's father served under in the invasion of Normandy. High school drop out. Dishonorable Army discharge (after 6 months). Married eight times (seven if you don't count the time he got married under an assumed name). One daughter, Princess (age 13) from his third or fourth marriage. Enjoys fast cars, faster women, cold beer, and good country music (no Nashville crap). With his momma sick, Dwight worries alot about his little brother Robert. Dwight likes to party.

Robert Williams Born August 1961 in Longview, TX. Youngest of three kids. Robert's not like the other boys and girls and spent his school years riding the little yellow bus. Enjoys coloring in his book, his job (he works at the grocery store) and listening to tapes on his boombox (Tony Orlando&Dawn, Barry Manilow, etc.). Wants his own apartment, but will spend the rest of his life in a group home.

Charlene Williams Born January 1955 in Wichita Falls, TX. Oldest of three kids. A security guard at Texas Women's University, she lives in Denton with her "friend" Barbara. Always wanted to be her father's favorite "son" but unfortunately was born without a penis. Continues to fight for equal rights for "non-penile Americans." Believes Robert should live with her because only a woman can take care of a loved one. Only women (by being able to give birth) know true love. Charlene refuses to discuss Darlie Routier.

Bernard Williams Born May 1925 at Shiloh Crossing, Oklahoma. Bernard (Dwight's uncle) worked 45 years at the defense plant in Long Beach, CA. No kids. After he retired and his wife Martha died, Bernard worked as a security guard at a landfill in Orange County, CA. Moved to Texas last year to be near some relatives. Volunteers at a nursing home because he likes talking to the old people

"One Eyed" John Carved April 1922. Began in show business with the "Wisenhiemer Revue." Later toured in different vaudeville houses. In WWII toured with the USO. Was known as a heavy drinker which caused several of his ventriloquists to quit. Worked Las Vegas in the 50's. Claimed to have run with the "Rat Pack" of the late 50's and early 60's. Claims to have been on both the old Jack Paar Show and The Ed Sullivan Show ("I was on right after The Beatles. Everybody remembers them. No one remembers me.") Fell in love with a showgirl during a tour of the Southwest and one day while playing at the Baker Hotel in Dallas, he found the girl, his ventriloquist, and his money gone. John crawled inside of a bottle and pulled the cork in after him.

These days he panhandles and bets people he can name any song in three notes in order to get drinks. He lives under the North Main St. Bridge (below the courthouse) and eats out of trash dumpsters. If it weren't for Dwight helping him out occasionally, John would be in really bad shape.

Albert Carving date unknown. Carving place unknown. Worked the Black road houses and vaudeville houses (the "chitlin" circuit) in the South in the 40's and 50's. Appeared at the Apollo Theatre in Harlem in 1953. Doesn't like to discuss his past. Met John while standing in a soup line. He was very relieved to to see another homeless animated figure. Albert, unlike John, is not afraid to work for a living.

J.Whittington Birchbork, ESQ. Puppet lawyer. I'd say more about him but he'd probably sue my ass.

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